????????????走????在????回????家????的????路????上????，????脚????踏????实????地????踩????在????地????上????，????却????有????种????虚????浮????的????感????觉????。????彷????佛????置????身????於????世????外????，????周????遭????的????声????音????似????乎????都????在????千????里????之????外????，????模????糊????的????身????影????快????速????从????身????边????掠????过????。
????????????一????只????巨????大????的????手????正????紧????紧????掐????住????我????的????x????口????，????慢????慢????地????收????紧????，????随????着????时????间????一????点????一????滴????的????流????逝????，????一????点????一????滴????的????压????迫????着????我????。
????????????我????加????快????脚????步????，????左????手????紧????紧????地????抓????住????衣????襟????，????快????步????走????入????隐????密????的????小????巷????中????，????无????力????地????跌????坐????在????地????上????，????背????靠????着????冰????冷????的????墙????，????寒????气????无????情????穿????透????我????的????衣????服????，????刺????在????肌????肤????上????。????尽????管????寒????气????不????断????地????渗????入????肌????肤????，????我????却????是????冷????汗????涔????涔????。
????????????我????用????力????咬????住????下????唇????，????加????重????了????呼????x1????。
????????????良????久????，????x????口????的????压????迫????逐????渐????放????松????。????大????量????的????空????气????瞬????间????涌????入????肺????部????，????呛????得????一????阵????我????剧????烈????咳????嗽????。????扶????着????墙????沿????强????迫????自????己????站????起????，????一????心????只????想????着????要????赶????快????回????家????。
????????????拖????着????身????T????快????速????拦????了????一????台????计????程????车????，????报????上????住????址????，????整????个????人????像????坨????泥????似????的????瘫????在????座????位????上????。????计????程????车????上????正????拨????放????着????陈????奕????迅????的????《????孤????独????患????者????》????。
????????????「????欢????笑????声????欢????呼????声????炒????热????气????氛????心????却????很????冷????…????…????掉????眼????泪????时????用????笑????掩????过????…????…????不????表????示????没????有????心????碎????的????时????刻????我????不????曾????摊????开????伤????口????任????宰????割????癒????合????就????无????人????晓????得????我????内????心????挫????折????…????…????我????却????不????能????喊????等????一????等????…????…????」????再????多????的????欢????笑????声????、????再????多????的????欢????呼????声????、????再????热????的????气????氛????都????无????法????使????心????回????暖????。????泪????水????，????在????笑????容????的????掩????饰????下????，????似????乎????从????未????存????在????过????。????不????曾????摊????开????伤????口????，????不????代????表????不????曾????心????碎????，????不????曾????有????人????晓????得????，????心????，????早????已????支????离????破????碎????。????然????而????面????对????这????一????切????的????一????切????，????却????从????来????不????被????允????许???????一????声????等????一????等????。
????????????泪????水????，????在????眼????眶????中????打????转????，????一????圈????又????一????圈????，????似????乎????下????一????秒????就????要????脱????离????我????的????控????制????。
????????????到????了????住????处????，????我????快????速????地????丢????下????车????费????，????和????一????句????「????不????用????找????了????。????」????便????转????身????冲????回????住????处????。
????????????「????不????准????哭????！????」????泪????水????即????将????涌????出????的????瞬????间????，????我????严????厉????地????喝????止????自????己????。????不????要????、????不????要????让????自????己????为????此????哭????泣????，????不????要????让????自????己????就????这????样????，????被????左????右????情????绪????，????绝????对????不????可????以????因????为????他????们????而????流????下????眼????泪????！????他????们????没????有????资????格????左????右????我????的????情????绪????！
????????????不????断????地????这????样????想????，????丝????毫????没????有????发????觉????自????己????早????已????被????左????右????了????情????绪????，????甚????至????因????他????们????而????大????大????的????改????变????了????自????己????。
????????????我????把????自????己????丢????上????床????，????一????动????也????不????动????的????躺????在????那????，????像????个????破????布????娃????娃????似????的????，????任????人????宰????割????。
????????????全????身????上????下????都????充????满????倦????意????，????好????累????。????累????的????，????不????只????是????身????。????心????，????好????累????好????累????，????似????乎????无????法????再????承????受????任????何????事????务????，????时????间????可????不????可????以????就????这????麽????停????止????，????不????再????流????动????，????永????远????的????停????住????，????不????要????再????有????任????何????的????变????化????。????外????面????的????世????界????改????变????了????好????多????好????多????，????心????的????角????落????却????依????然????是????不????变????的????黑????暗????、????不????变????的????冰????寒????。
????????????我????讨????厌????不????断????的????改????变????、????变????迁????，????下????一????秒????会????发????生????什????麽????，????从????来????都????无????法????预????测????，????每????件????事????都????是????未????知????，????未????来????是????那????麽????的????令????人????感????到????不????安????。
????????????宁????可????停????留????、????重????复????，????日????复????一????日????过????着????令????人????崩????溃????地????日????子????，????也????不????想????去????面????对????不????同????於????脑????海????中????的????未????来????。
内容未完，下一页继续阅读????????????好????烦????，????面????对????这????一????切????的????变????迁????，????总????是????莫????名????的????烦????躁????。????情????绪????和????思????绪????好????像????纠????缠????数????日????的????发????丝????，????怎????麽????梳????也????梳????不????开????。????太????多????的????线????路????、????太????多????的????可????能????X????、????太????过????的????复????杂????。
????????????情????绪????、????思????绪????，????紧????紧????地????缠????绕????着????，????总????找????不????着????个????头????绪????。
????????????不????知????道????过????了????多????久????，????我????强????迫????自????己????睁????开????双????眼????，????回????到????这????个????令????人????心????烦????的????现????实????。
????????????有????时????候????我????只????是????想????好????好????大????哭????一????场????，????什????麽????都????不????在????乎????的????放????纵????自????己????，????狠????狠????的????大????哭????一????场????，????哭????到????声????嘶????力????竭????。????即????是????如????此????，????却????还????是????不????曾????允????许????过????自????己????。????是????社????会????的????不????允????许????，????还????是????自????己????莫????名????其????妙????的????自????尊????？????倘????若????是????害????怕????世????俗????的????眼????光????，????那????麽????为????何????独????自????一????人????关????在????房????里????时????，????只????觉????得????心????口????好????闷????好????闷????，????却????挤????不????出????半????滴????泪????。
????????????最????终????还????是????只????能????带????着????疲????累????的????心????，????继????续????逞????强????。
????????????等????着????哪????天????泪????水????溃????堤????，????便????解????脱????了????；????等????着????哪????天????生????命????终????结????，????便????解????脱????了????；????等????着????哪????天????想????开????了????，????不????再????在????乎????世????俗????的????眼????光????，????不????再????紧????握????无????意????义????的????自????尊????，????便????解????脱????了????。
????????????我????起????身????走????到????书????桌????前????，????从????cH0U????屉????里????拿????出????日????记????本????，????将????昨????日????的????心????情????记????录????下????来????。
????????????写????完????日????记????，????我????反????常????地????没????有????将????日????记????本????直????接????阖????上????，????收????进????cH0U????屉????，????反????而????打????开????cH0U????屉????将????另????外????两????本????日????记????取????出????来????。